Quotations about cats and dogs


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In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him

Derek Bruce


There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat

Wesley Bates


The smallest feline is a masterpiece

Leonardo da Vinci


Managing senior programmers is like herding cats

Dave Platt


Who needs television when you have cats?

Lori Spigelmyer


Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat

Mark Twain


How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven

Robert A. Heinlein


Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea

Robert A. Heinlein


There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats

Albert Schweitzer


In life there are two compensations -- Prozac and cats

Brian Walsh


A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it

Joseph Epstein


I just gave the cat a bath. It took forever to get all that hair off of my tongue!

Steve Martin


The internet was invented specifically for displaying pictures of one's cat

Author unknown


Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it

Author unknown


In Istanbul I met a man who said he knew beyond a doubt that God was a cat. I asked why he was so sure, and the man said, 'When I pray to him, he ignores me'

Lowell Thomas



What is a cat?

- Cats do what they want
- They rarely listen to you
- They are totally unpredictable
- When you want to play, they want to be alone
- When you want to be alone, they want to play
- They expect you to cater to their every whim
- They are moody
- They leave hair everywhere
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg

Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats


What is a dog?


- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room
- They growl when they are not happy
- When you want to play, they want to play
- When you want to be alone, they want to play
- They are great at begging
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
- They leave their toys everywhere
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss

Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise

Author unknown


Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant

Author unknown


To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs

Aldous Huxley


A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down

Robert Benchley


Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives

Sue Murphy


I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves

August Strindberg


Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

Anne Tyler


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult

Rita Rudner


"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money

Joe Weinstein


If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons

James Thurber


You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets

Nora Ephron


Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful

Ann Landers


There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face

Ben Williams


When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem

Edward Abbey


Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail

Author unknown


No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does

Christopher Morley


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself

Josh Billings


Man is a dog's idea of what God should be

Holbrook Jackson


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person

Andrew A. Rooney


He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

Author unknown


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain


I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts

John Steinbeck



Diary Excerpts from Cats and Dogs (by Paul Grobler)


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180:
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm- OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM- OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM- OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction of ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761
Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking and almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these vile oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 766
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time it included a burning chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771
There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul odor what they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his confinement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....