In order to keep a true perspective of one's
importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and
a cat that will ignore him
Derek Bruce
There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a
cat
Wesley
Bates
The smallest feline is a masterpiece
Leonardo da
Vinci
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats
Dave
Platt
Who needs television when you have cats?
Lori
Spigelmyer
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the
slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed
with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the
cat
Mark
Twain
How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in
heaven
Robert A.
Heinlein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should
relax and get used to the idea
Robert A.
Heinlein
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music
and cats
Albert
Schweitzer
In life there are two compensations -- Prozac and cats
Brian
Walsh
A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself
and does a damned impressive job of it
Joseph
Epstein
I just gave the cat a bath. It took forever to get all that hair
off of my tongue!
Steve
Martin
The internet was invented specifically for displaying pictures of
one's cat
Author
unknown
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make
it look like the dog did it
Author
unknown
In Istanbul I met a man who said he knew beyond a doubt that God
was a cat. I asked why he was so sure, and the man said, 'When I
pray to him, he ignores me'
Lowell
Thomas
What is a cat?
- Cats do what they want
- They rarely listen to you
- They are totally unpredictable
- When you want to play, they want to be alone
- When you want to be alone, they want to play
- They expect you to cater to their every whim
- They are moody
- They leave hair everywhere
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg
Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats
What is a dog?
- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece
of furniture in the house
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
they don't hear you when you are in the same room
- They growl when they are not happy
- When you want to play, they want to play
- When you want to be alone, they want to play
- They are great at begging
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
- They leave their toys everywhere
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to
give you a kiss
Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
Author
unknown
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant
Author
unknown
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity
of dogs
Aldous
Huxley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around
three times before lying down
Robert
Benchley
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I
think that's how dogs spend their lives
Sue
Murphy
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got
the guts to bite people themselves
August
Strindberg
Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come
back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken,
pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on
earth!
Anne
Tyler
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird
religious cult
Rita
Rudner
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99
cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money
Joe
Weinstein
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs
I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons
James
Thurber
You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a
person with pets
Nora
Ephron
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that
you are wonderful
Ann
Landers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
face
Ben
Williams
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem
Edward
Abbey
Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of
his tail
Author
unknown
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation
as the dog does
Christopher
Morley
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he
loves himself
Josh Billings
Man is a dog's idea of what God should be
Holbrook
Jackson
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
Andrew A.
Rooney
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are
his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and
true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be
worthy of such devotion
Author
unknown
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will
not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and
a man.
Mark
Twain
I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of
amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think
humans are nuts
John Steinbeck
Diary Excerpts from Cats and Dogs (by Paul
Grobler)
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180:
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm- OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM- OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM- OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,
and the satisfaction of ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761
Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet
while they were walking and almost succeeded. Must try this at
the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these vile
oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favorite chair... must
try this on their bed.
DAY 766
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear in their
hearts. They only cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working
according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason I was
chosen for the water torture. This time it included a burning
chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a
liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
DAY 771
There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul
odor what they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his confinement in the metal room, his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
